you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
