he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
