i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My dad just said "fuck circus"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
