you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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