Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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