Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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