I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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