I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
