I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
