Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
