i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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