Having a random hookup so left but love u
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
