is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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