I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
