Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
operation have a gay friend backfired
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
