there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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