You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
