didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
