new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
