I need help removing her.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
