Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
