im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
