Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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