U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
