I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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