the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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