Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
