Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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