how can u be prego again
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
