Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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