Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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