ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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