Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
