She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
