You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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