how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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