3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
