the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
