he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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