she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
