we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
