Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
