i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
