He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
