I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
