There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
