Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
