Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
