we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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