My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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