I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
