listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
