For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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