Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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