I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
