Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
