i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
