Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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