She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
