You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
