So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
