He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
