the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
