I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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