sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
