I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
