Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize