dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
