2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
