You can't special order awesome
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
