"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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