My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
