1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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