swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
