This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
