Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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