you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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