I didn't shave. On purpose
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
