I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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