Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
