i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
