Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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