True but thats because hes a fetus.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
