i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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